Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
