Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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