just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Every concussion has its silver lining
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
