Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Randomize
