Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Randomize
