im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
