dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
