I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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