U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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