i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
