super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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