the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
