Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
and she was petting her beer can
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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