hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize
