I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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