I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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