I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
