That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
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