I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Randomize
