My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
