Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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