I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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