One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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