I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I will pee on everything he values.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Randomize
