IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
