brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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