Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
