He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
