butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Plan B is the new Plan A
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
