dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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