Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Randomize
