Even the bartender felt bad for me
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
