Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
