Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
