I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
