just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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