seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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