she pinky promised me she was 18
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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