so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Acid is not a monday night drug
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
