You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
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I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
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