So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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