I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome