i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
20+ Kids Who Probably Didn’t Mean To Draw Hardcore Porn
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself