drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
