I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Enjoy the penises
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
