I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
