bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
