My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
