Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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