What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
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