u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Randomize
