a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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