My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Randomize