she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
COCAINE IS GR8
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
