Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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