There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
