i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
