I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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