Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
