quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
