the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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