Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
