So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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