Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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